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  • Writer's picturePapa Bear

Today I am not Winning

I suffer with depression. Let me type that again. I suffer. With depression.

I have in mind a long ramble about my experiences with depression, my understanding of the condition, living with it, my own ways to manage it blah blah blah but today is not that day.

Yesterday I finally saw a specialist on the NHS to start the long process of trying to figure out exactly what's going on with my physical health. The doc I saw was lovely, a lady in her early 30s, she listened, discussed and poked me about a bit. I came away feeling that it was a good first meet and with the paperwork for bloods, various, and X-Rays, hands which are my main new issue at the moment. After half an hour waiting for bloods I had to leave in order to pick Baby Bear up from nursery. I returned today and had both tests done. Back home, bit of house stuff, picked BB up and headed home again. And then it hit me. Out of nowhere, all energy drained from me and my mood feel through the floor. I've felt like hammered shit for the rest of the day and have been of no use to man no beast. Well, that's not entirely true, Jake, our soppy old pussy cat came and had a cuddle. He seemed grateful.

I have bad days but this seemed different simply because of how suddenly it came on. Is it a bug? Plenty doing the rounds at the moment. Not enough sleep? I did catch the new Dragon Tattoo film last night, not a particularly late one but it doesn't take much these days to put me out of sorts. Who knows. So why the post? I don't know really, I guess this one could be more for me, logging something a bit out of the ordinary rather than spilling my guts as therapy which hopefully isn't too dull a read for your good self.

I need to get back on the Lego pics game, something I was determined to post with every blog post. Ah well.

Hopefully I'll be back on better form next time I put something up here. Thanks for reading all the same

PB x

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