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  • Writer's picturePapa Bear

Mid-Life Wotnow?!

So I only started this whole blog thing yesterday but my brain is whirring away. I'm loving the idea of having somewhere to ramble, get stuff down and shut the laptop and leave it be. If some of you lovely folks read stuff then that's ace and I thank you from the bottom of my bottom. I have set up an Instagram account to go with the blog, apparently that's the thing to do, if you'd like to subscribe on the website and follow me on Instagram that would be nice. I might even follow you back.

It dawned on me today that I have been robbed of my mid-life crisis. I haven't had a huge crisis of confidence in what I do, who I am, suddenly started driving some wee two seater or boffing my 19 year old PA as it would appear some chaps my age do. My physical health has forced me out of doing what I have always done and I am now on a different path from the one that I had originally chosen. Aren't I entitled to a slight wig out around this age? Do something embarrassing or daft? I guess I'll never know, it's all kinda unfolded without my involvement. I can't afford a sports car, it also wouldn't be practical as I have the "Big Car" in the family, the only one that will seat all 6 of us. I don't think my knees, energy levels or wife could cope with a fling and frankly, I'm not ageing in a dashing, George Clooney, fine wine sort of way. I shuffle. I make noises when I get up or sit down. I can't be bothered to shave. Ever. I think my wife has seen my actual face once in the whole time we've been together. I need to nap. And I mean I NEED to nap. It's rare that I get through a day at the moment without falling asleep. Christ, I hope that I get a diagnosis that covers that or it may turn out that I'm simply a lazy bastard! Sigh..... I am, however growing my hair much to my wife's dismay. It doesn't take much energy or thought so I guess we'll stick with that for now. Oh, and I bought a deer stalker recently. I am hoping that I can bring such a fantastic piece of head gear back into popular circulation, make it cool again and lead some sort of hat based revolutionary movement. I think that the reality is that it makes me look like a tit doing a bad Sherlock cosplay.

I heard something today that I hadn't before, on the Adam Buxton Podcast, he was chatting to Simon Pegg (I haven't finished it yet but it's a good one, check it out if you like that sort of thing) and they were discussing how they are the first generation of Baby Men, geeks that have had the luxury of being openly geeky about what they love, not like their fathers and their fathers who fought in wars, worked in banks or journalism or whatever. I am proud to be a big geek, own far too many Nerf guns, spend time & money, of which I have precious little of either, on Lego, read comic books, watch animated films and not have to make excuses for any of it. It was the first time that I had really considered that. I guess for my dad it was different, as a creative type he always had a project on the go at home on top of the lecturing job that paid the bills. His dad worked for the gas board. I can't imagine that he would come home after a long day, doing whatever you do at the gas board, relax in his favourite chair, slippers, pipe, glass of something and peel off the wrapping of the latest X-Wing that Lego had just released. Having said that Grandpa Len died a couple of years before I was born so i can't imagine him doing much, having never known him. He probably read the paper or listened to the wireless. Maybe he was into dogging?! Who knows. I don't remember dad having a mid life crisis either. Not really. I think he turned his hand to photography in quite a big way having been an illustrator and general all round fabulous arty bloke. He built a dark room in the garden. I guess that's the closest he got. It was an extension on his shed/ studio and he experimented with all manner of printing techniques, papers, finishes etc. I keep meaning to frame some of his photos and have them up in the house. I looked through a load the other day whilst hunting for his illustrations, a possible tattoo idea falling into place. He really did have a Hell of an eye. Two of them in fact.

I guess my second child hood will have to do. It as a very conscious choice after I tried being a grown up in my twenties. I got married at 25, got a mortgage, bought a flat, lost my dad, moved out to Chesham to a house, had my daughter and separated from my now ex wife all by the time I was 30. Most of those five years were miserable and I decided that I didn't have to do that again, I could be happy instead! Oh, and I could finally talk about some stuff, dad's death being something that I hadn't really started to process when I was married. I'm sure I'll blog about all that at some point but now is not the time. So my 30s were better and I started to have fun again. I gave up being a grown up and got out of the miserable job that I had taken on, a switch from instrumental music teaching into class room teaching at a less than lovely school, a change that I made purely because we needed the money rather than because I wanted to. There were still massive issues, an expensive two year divorce, an ex wife that was extremely difficult to deal with etc etc but it sure beat where I was in my mid to late twenties.

If you haven't had your second child hood yet I recommend it. Having kids helps to bring it on but it's not essential. Mine really started when I was shown a Lego X-Wing by my nephew, it was completely wonderful, something that I would have loved in my youth as a massive Star Wars nut and I remember saying "oh man, that's soooo cool, I want a Lego X-Wing!!!". And then thinking, fuck it, why can't I have a Lego X-Wing?! So I bought one, built it and haven't looked back since. I bought a couple more for close mates in the weeks to come for birthday presents, hoping to trigger their rebirth into second childhood. So next time you're passing a toy shop or flicking though the Argos catalogue or online equivalent take a moment when something catches your eye. Fuck it, you too deserve a Lego X-Wing.

Happy building!

PB x

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